"Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store"

This year the Grinch came to our house while we were away.

On Christmas Eve we received a phone call from Grandma Jane informing us that someone had broken into our house and stolen several of our belongings. My dad and Haley had to drive home for further investigation of the situation. The rest of the H's were left in our little cabin to try and make the best of our situation. Since we could no longer go out and purchase a Christmas tree like we had planned....we improvised a little:

(Our Substitute Tree)

I have probably read/watched Dr. Suess’s holiday “horror” story, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, a hundred times in my life without fully appreciating the message behind it.

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,

He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! “Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!” he was grinch-ish-ly humming. “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming! “They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do! “Their mouths will hang open a minute or two “Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!

“That’s a noise, “grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow …

But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all! He HADN‘T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?” “It came without ribbons! It came without tags! “It came without packages, boxes or bags!”

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! “Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas … perhaps … means a little bit more!”

Part of the purpose for telling the story of Christmas is to remind us that Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Indeed, however delightful we feel about it, even as children, each year it “means a little bit more.” And no matter how many times we read the biblical account of that evening in Bethlehem, we always come away with a thought—or two—we haven’t had before. (Jeffrey R. Holland)

I would like to thank the Grinch for making this year's Christmas the most memorable. Despite our empty house and ghetto Christmas tree, I have been reminded of what really matters. The Spirit of Christmas comes from love, charity, family support and most importantly Christ. Material things can always be replaced, but the time spent with those we love most cannot be. I am so happy that my family was kept safe and that we were able to celebrate the birth of our Savior and Redeemer together this year.

So, Thank you, Grinch.

And p.s. i have never had SO much fun decorating a "Christmas Tree" in my entire twenty years of Christmases.

i thought this day would never come

but it is finally here. Finals are over. Christmas break is here.  I am on my way home. Hallelujah. Except...my long expected relief hasn't come yet.  Why? I don't think it's hit me, i still feel the stress of school on my shoulders.  Or maybe it was never about school.  Hopefully this dillusion will leave me the moment i set foot back in the Bayyyy.

I'm currently sitting in Las Vegas with an hour layover. bored? yes. but not for longgg. I can't wait to see my family :)

Dear home,

i will see you shortly.

Love, Hanna Marie

happy holidays

i hope everyone had a fantastic thanksgiving.

here are a few things that i am thankful for

the beautiful autumn colors.

my family.

LOVE.

laughter.

dinner with my family.

What are you thankful for?

HOME.

you've never really had a permanent location.

ever.

but i know you so well.

i know exactly where you are

and i am finally here.

It has only been a few months this time,

but my visit seems long past due.

it is good to be back

i missed you.

this is how i feel

dear tuesday evening,

 please come faster!

love, hanna marie

Bonita

Jane introduced me to Andres Cabas about a month ago.  This song has been running through my head all day.  And yes, maybe even outloud in my apartment when no one was home :)

It is so beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YLWa-LTpyM

got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Can’t figure how
I’m gonna fix tomorrow away
If today’s still a mess
Can u tell me what’s the point man, 
It all seems meaningless
I wish that I could step away and breathe
This world’s trying to swallow me
Clear away the clouds inside my head

Someone just tell me
That it’s ok now
What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

People lie, people hide, people cry, people fight 

And they don’t know why
If fear is all that we should fear
Then what are we so afraid of
Cause fear is only in our heads

Someone please say...

that it's ok now

What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

Any day ill go bad thinking bad
Everyone is against me and the world wants to fight me
Preparing to battle an enemy unseen
During my stressing I’m blinded to the lesson 
That could be a blessing if Id be confessing that the enemy 
I’m trying to beat is hiding inside of me

But it’s ok now...what are you worrying about...

the definition of hanna bennion.

the other day someone asked me to describe what kind of a person i was.  

I couldn't answer.  

Because i didn't know.

that made me think.  a lot.

I wish i could sit here and describe to you just what stereotype/personality i fit into.  Am i a sport freak? art fanatic? music junkee? math geek? shy? outgoing? lovable? intimidating? boring? crazy?

i have no idea.  I don't like to limit myself to one "type."  I feel that i am a different person when i am with different people.  BUt that doesn't make sense.  Maybe there are just too many sides to me, i like too many different things.  And therefore have several different friends that fit into each of these "categories" of people.

I am just hanna.

And very soon i will let you all know what that means.

For now, I am still pondering.

Thank you, Birch Creek

This was the  staff for the Girls Session this Summer.

This Summer I spent a lot of my time in a little place called Spring City, Utah.  When i say little, i mean puny.  That's right, good ol' Sanpete County.  It was my second year as a counselor at Birch Creek Service Ranch (inspired by the Bennion Ranch) and i loved it all the more.  There is something that happens at Birch Creek, something very special.  I'm not exactly sure what it is, but everyone who has been there knows what i am talking about.

Birch is more than just a summer camp for teens, i've been to plenty of those, Birch Creek is a home.  It is a place to connect--with people, with nature, with God and with yourself.  I miss my BC family.  BC is my sanctuary, my safe place.  

Birch Creek makes me forget the world, it helps me remember to enjoy the simple things in life.  Simplicity.  Thats where all the good stuff is.  A simple sunset, a simple song, a simple game, a simple laugh.  Simple service.  I love how satisfying it is after a mornings work, to know that we spent four hours of our day helping another person.  I love how satisfying it is after a weekends hike when we look down from the top of a mountain or up from the bottom of a canyon, to know that we travelled that great distance in such a short amount of time.  I love how satisfying it is to see the growth in the campers as the weeks gradually pass on.  I love how i feel at Birch Creek!

One of the many beautiful weekend hikes.

I also love BC because of my family.  Uncle Joe, Aunt Lee, and Cousin Zina.  Can anyone ask for better role models?  I mean seriously.  If it weren't for them, i would never have found BC.  They inspire me more and more every time i spend time with them.  Whether at the Ranch or rafting down the Grand Canyon for two weeks (also one of the most amazing experiences of my life), they are always living life at its fullest.

Group shot on edge of the canyon.

lil brudders

The other day i was telling Jane about my little brothers Hunter (7) and Haydn (3) and i remembered this funny story.  It just about made my day:

(Family is sitting at the dinner table getting ready to say the prayer)

Hunter: (whispers in Haydn's ear chuckling)

Haydn: Mumbles something really fast to Hanna and starts laughing

Hanna: What did you say?

Haydn: You have pretty eyes.....(starts laughing HYSTERICALLY..no joke)

Hunter: No! (whispers in his ear again)

Haydn: oh....PSYPE!! (starts laughing hysterically again)

Family: (Trying and failing not to laugh so we can say a prayer)

Oh. I love and miss my brothers. They make me smile. Obviously Hunter was telling Haydn to say Psych.  It kills me that Haydn thinks Hunter is the funniest person on this earth, even when he doesn't understand his 

jokes.

come what may

I just watched Moulin Rouge last night.

Such a good movie.

Such a good soundtrack.

and it has one of my favorite songs in it.

Come what may.

Of course, it reminds me of Chris.  I remember after the Ensign came out with Elder Wirthlin's talk from April General conference, Chris cut out the title "Come What May, and Love It," and he sent it to me.  Cute, huh?  Come what May...I love those words.  Whether it pertains to my relationship with Chris or my daily struggles.  We can get through anything that comes our way if our love and faith are stronger.  I have the piano music to this song, I used to play it a lot.  I need to start up again.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day 

peeps.

I've been thinking a lot about people lately.  And about our relationships as human beings.  So many people come in and out of our lives and influence us in ways that we sometimes don't even realize.  Its crazy. Right? Think about it for a minute, about all the people you have ever come in contact with throughout your entire life span.  Its sad to me that most relationships don't last.  Friends come in bunches.  I lived in 7 different houses as a kid.  I had to switch friends a lot.  But its so weird how i could be so close to so many different people, even best friends, and now have no idea what they are doing with their lives.  And even in some cases, know exactly what they are doing..but go on with life as if they were complete strangers.  Its kind of depressing.  Its like those friends that you have in your classes or at work...once school/work is over...you're no longer friends.  But it has to be like this. right? I mean, if we stayed close to every single person we've ever considered our friends...well, i don't think we'd be able to really form real lasting relationships with the people that matter the most to us.  My friends change year by year. Especially in college, moving in with new roommates really changes things... dramatically.  All of a sudden, the people i shared everything with, i never see! They have been replaced with other people because of living situations.  But then there are those people that have stayed with you for years and you know they will never leave you.  The Real friends.  I think both are important.  Everybody leaves an impact on our lives.  No matter how small.  Its like in The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons.  Was that not the theme of the movie? To point out how we are all here for a reason, and we all influence each others lives...even if we aren't in them for that long.  I think its a beautiful thing.  I've been trying to think of all of the people that have influenced me.  Its too easy to forget sometimes. 

i don't know if i'm making any sense.  i'm not really even sure why i'm awake/on my computer right now.  after a day like today, it just doesn't make sense.  I was on campus until about 8:30 pm because i had to take a test..after walking home i had to skip my soccer game (NOT something i wanted to do) because i had homework due at midnight that i hadn't started.  My back is aching like no other, i'm so so so tired, i still have a lot of homework due tomorrow, i keep almost fainting because in the middle of studying all day i forgot that humans need to EAT...and even though everything is pointing me towards my bed, here i am, typing this all out on my computer for really...no reason.  Sometimes you just gotta vent.  I apologize if this all makes zero sense, i'm sort of half asleep at the moment.

ONE YEAR

Today is Chris' one year mark.

One year ago i went with him and his family to the MTC.

It was hard, but i managed to keep a happy face on. Okay, i may have started to tear up a little when i shook his hand (awkwardly) at the end after watching everyone in his family give him a big hug.  He couldn't/wouldn't look at me when he did.  But i kept it together...somehow.  I'm not really big on showing my emotions in public, it rarely happens.  But then again, this wasn't even our real goodbye.  It happened a few weeks earlier at his farewell when i flew back home.

That was only one of the many goodbyes we have said during the past three years.  Yet, love has only gotten stronger.  It's weird to think that i haven't seen, talked to,or  texted Chris in a year!  One year ago....that was my life!  I don't know how i have survived without him near.  But even though our relationship has changed its circumstances several times (together in high school, apart during college, together at home, apart during mission) the feelings haven't changed.  And that makes me SO happy.  i know that i love chris, i know that he loves me.  But right now we are putting that aside because he is currently serving a mission and I am finding myself/growing at BYU.  That is what needs to happen now.  And we have one year down, one to go!  Time is such a weird thing sometimes.

Sigh, Thats all i can write right now.

fireflies

I'd like to make myself believe 
That planet Earth turns slowly 
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 
'Cause everything is never as it seems

(When I'm asleep)

quote of the day

"Woman was taken out of man--not out of his feet to be trampled underfoot, but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved."

Happiness is a choice.

I have never been so busy in my entire life.  I don't know if that statement is entirely true, but i am pretty dang busy!  For some reason i can't keep up.  I guess i just had forgotten how school really is.  Sucks. Even though in the past week and a half i have taken/am-still-studying-for 5 tests and several quizzes (i thought Finals Week was supposed to be at the end of the semester)...I've found time to be happy.

I have been focusing a lot on the negative things in my life lately.  I THOUGHT that every area in my life was suckee and too overwhelming to deal with.

Isn't it just depressing to think like that? I mean, come on. I know i have so many more blessings in my life.  I feel guilty for being such a baby.  There are so many people that have HUGE trials that still stay optimistic.  I'm going to be optimistic:

For the past few days (even though i am stressed out more than i can handle) a lot of good things have happened.

-I got a mini package from Chris with three letters and pictures in it....i hadn't heard from him since the end of July.

-I got my first letter from mike (one of my best friends/brothers from freshman year) the very next day, with two letters and a picture in it

-I got a good grade on my Calculus 2 Test! miracle.

-I MAY have picked out a major. It isn't final. But i am seriously considering it.

-i like my roommates.

-the Cowboys won (haha)

-I got to go to a devotional here at BYU and listen to Thomas S Monson.  amazing.

-I had an epiphany...what is one bad test score going to mean to me in 10 years??

these are all good things right? Happiness is a choice.  i can choose to be happy.  I can choose to look at all the good things in my life rather than the bad.  By focusing on blessings, its easier to find courage to move on and go forward.  Sure, there will be/are hard things to deal with.  But with prayer and faith i can do those things.  I know i can't do it alone.  That is the biggest blessing, that through hard times i have been able to feel the love of my Savior as he helps carry me along.  Knowing that brings true happiness.

Confessions of a Thinkaholic

I just spent the last twenty minutes writing a blog that is now nonexistent due to technical mishaps.  Don't you hate those? I do.

Ugh.

Anyways, I have been reading all of your blogs from a far and i figure it’s about time i join in on this little world.  I love love love people who can speak to others through writing.  You people who can pull a masterpiece out of nowhere.  Your fingers flow over the keyboard effortlessly--it’s a work of art, really, it is.

Oh. Jealousy.

I want so badly to be able to put my thoughts into words, but I have too much going on in my head at all times. Over the years I have had countless journals; they just never were written in for more than a few weeks at a time.  Its not that i have nothing to say, I just have too much to say!  It’s called ADD.  And I am not being sarcastic when I say I am a victim.  You can ask anyone who is close to me (or my doctor haha).  Especially Chris.  Writing him for the past year has been quite an adventure.  I promise he can say he has laughed a time or two when reading my letters.  Not because of a funny story, but because of how amazingly fast I can get distracted.  I tend to get off topic a lot.  Yes, I am a rambler.  Chris and I call these moments “hanna rants.”  I’m sure many of you have done those before.  But, I assure you I am the queen.

There are just so many ideas i want to express.  I AM ALWAYS THINKING.  It’s overwhelming.  It can cause me to be a very quiet person.  People who don’t know me as well think I am shy, but it’s more that I am…oh what’s the word, reflective?  I am always taking in my surroundings, deep in thought. (Although, I can be shy as well.) But because of this, I suppose people might assume I’m a loner.  Call me what you wish, I have my friends! 

is this not the cheesiest thing you have ever seen?

but it fits the topic right?

very...contemplative

Getting back to what I was trying to say-I admire those people who bring journals/notebooks with them wherever they go.  Those people who are constantly jotting down thoughts, ideas, notes.  I want to be that person.  I want people to know what goes inside my head.

And that is why I am starting this blog.  It’s a fresh start, a new beginning, an attempt to make my thoughts, my emotions, and my life clear.  Even if no one ever reads this, this is for me.

I hope that this will last much longer than any of my previous journals.

pure sugar

On September 16, 2006

 I was watching The Notebook and drinking rootbeer floats with a bunch of friends, 

particularly my crush: Chris Redfern.  

Later that night, Chris drove me home and asked me if I would make it official and be his girlyfriend.  

Long story short. I said yes. 

 And here I am, three years later, in love.

Here's to three years of C&H.