what started off as a bad day has quickly changed for the better. i feel fresh, rejuvenated and excited about life. oh, what a feeling.
the past few weeks--scratch that--months have been nothing short from complete chaos. i have asked myself 1oo times why i torture myself with so many math classes when i'm thinking about double majoring anyway. it's almost impossible to stay caught up in every class when there is homework due everyday. i feel like i am constantly doing math. math. math.(and soccer). and because i have ADD i don't always understand what it is that we are talking about all of the time. because i'll get distracted. needless to say, it has been overwhelming.
but it's days like today that remind me why i decided to be a math ed major. i might not be one of those nerds who knows everything, it might take me a little bit to fully grasp certain concepts, but overall...i enjoy math. i find it intriguing that mathematical formulas and theories have been progressing since the beginning of time. i have always enjoyed puzzles and games that involve mathematical thinking. (which by the way, more games involve math than you would think...don't tell my roomies, but this is why i win at cards and scrabble almost every time). and on top of that i like kids and i like helping people.
i just sometimes forget this fact when i am covered head to toe in assignments that i don't understand. even though it is frustrating to get a bad grade on a test or an assignment, i know that when i put my mind to something i CAN figure it out. it just might take me a little while, and i might need a little help. the only problem i have now is finding the time to focus on the details of my math classes. and the desire to do so.
i'm not sure what sparked my interest today. i really have no idea why i'm having a good math day. maybe it's because two of my math teachers noticed me today? (which is unfortunate because i slept in and look like hell) maybe it's because it's the weekend and i just finished two difficult tests? i don't know. but i do know that this excitement was much needed. last friday after the day was over i felt very depressed. i got home after being on campus for 12 hours and i just wanted to cry. and cry. i felt so little and insignificant. and on top of that i felt like i had no time for life anymore. This was after i had taken my mathematical proofs test, so i was a little exhausted.
Now back to present time. Today, i went up to my proofs teacher to tell him that my homework assignment wasn't handed back to me. He asked me for my name and he started writing a reminder on his paper "email grader about Hanna Bennion's assignment." Shocked, i noted that he spelled my name with no H at the end. No one ever knows how to spell my name right. His response "Ah, yes. That's because i was just grading your test earlier and i was very impressed with your performance." i was speechless.
This particular teacher happens to be the most mathematically inspired intellectual i have ever met. For example, today we were supposed to talk about chapter seven but he got side tracked because he was too excited about this proof that he has been discovering for twenty years about a triple bubble in space....whattt? Who spends time discovering new proofs? Smart, devoted people. that's who. and he happened to be impressed with my work. who knows if he was talking about the entire test, or one tiny proof that won't count much for my grade. i don't care. it was enough for me to get remotivated. that's why today is going to be a good day.
in the long run, who cares about a few low scores. it's all about the learning experience, anyway. i have recited this so many times in my life, but i have never really listened to it. i think for the first time i can actually apply it.
i hope i can keep this new found desire to learn going next week. i could really use it.
And since we're on the subject of math-- i'm starting to notice that a lot of math teachers tell jokes when they teach. But they don't let you know when they do. have they always done this? has it just gone over my head? should i be worried that now i understand these jokes? i'm sure there are plenty more that i still don't catch...but the number of jokes only increase the farther up in math i get.