when i was five i married a man named rebecca.

He had red hair and was at least 20 years older than me. In efforts to avoid this event, i hid in my wedding dress. It happened to be hanging in a closet in the middle of a meadow.

This is one of the earliest dreams that i can remember in detail. Am i the only one who is constantly dreaming? i'm talkin' long, vivid, bizarre dreams. dang near e'ry night. Dreams that feel so real, it takes a good 30 seconds after waking up to realize who and where you really are.

The other day i was talking to a friend who claims that he never has dreams. If he does, he doesn't remember them. Because of this, he has a hard time believing people when they give outrageous dream recaps. He's convinced that his roommate makes up dreams just so he can have a crazy story to tell. I decided it would be better not to mention to him that the night before I had dreamt that i was in a 1970's horror film that involved giant killer whales.

It was terrifying.

remember

I spent a lot of my Saturday watching the history channel with my roommate. Watching footage from September 11, 2001 brought that day back so vividly. It felt so surreal. I cannot believe that it has been 9 years since America was attacked. I will never forget how I felt that day or the many days following it.

"It's a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. It's also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend--even a friend whose name it never knew."

-George W. Bush

ranch life.

There's this thing called Post Ranch Depression. Approximately 70 or so people suffer from this disorder once a year. It's real. And it bites.

This summer i worked at Birch Creek Service Ranch as a counselor/cook for teenagers.

I've been back in civilization for a month and I still find myself bringing the ranch into my daily conversations. I know that it's annoying. I can't help it, people.

The reason post ranch depression is so common

is because of how real and true the ranch makes people feel. We have no rules, but we live and teach principles: be service oriented, think of others first, and challenge yourself. By following these principles and by serving others side by side, kids start to build REAL friendships that have substance rather than relationships based on outside stereotypes.

We have a camp creed that hangs on the wall by the kitchen. It has become one of my favorite quotes:

"Learn to like what doesn't cost much.
Learn to like reading, conversation, music.
Learn to like plain food, plain service, plain cooking.
Learn to like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing, climbing hills.
Learn to like people, even though some of them may be different...different f

rom you.
Learn to like to work and enjoy the satisfaction doing your job as well as it can be done.
Learn to like the song of birds, the companionship of dogs.
Learn to like gardening, puttering around the house, and fixing things.
Learn to like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows, and the gentle fall of snow on a winter day.
Learn to keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others."
— Lowell Bennion

One of the biggest lessons that I have learned from the ranch over the years is to enjoy the simple things in life. It's easy to get caught up in materialistic luxuries; it's easy to take all of the little blessings for granted. But, if we fill up our lives with the small and simple joys, we can have a life full of true happiness. At the ranch we are temporarily outside of the real world. We live in complete simplicity. That's why we love it. That's why we keep coming.

Symptoms of Post Ranch Depression consist of random desires to sleep outside, to call locals and offer yard assistance, and to eat excessive amounts of oatmeal. If you find yourself feeling guilty for sleeping in a comfortable bed and for taking daily showers, there is a large possibility that you have PRD. If you think you might be suffering from Post Ranch Depression, please contact fellow campers and counselors for support.

big steps in the bennion home

This weekend I flew home for the first time since Christmas; it was a very, VERY quick visit. It is a bittersweet experience to come back and see how much the family has changed. All my wittle babies are growing up! Anybody who is an oldest sibling can understand the natural "Big Sister Instincts" that i have always had growing up at home.

For those of you who are unaware, let me fill you in. As big sisters:

- we have (false) authority as a third parent...whatever we say is right, don't question it.

-we are convinced that we have taught our younger siblings everything they know...don't try to convince us otherwise.

-we display over-protective behavior...NO ONE messes with our younger siblings, that's our job, duh.

- -and here's the biggest Big Sister secret: we act like our younger siblings are annoying as if we don't care about their lives...In reality, we love them to death and sincerely want the most for them.

Now that everyone is on the same page, I would like to take this opportunity to brag about my own sibs. Because shoot dang, it has been a big month for the Bennion kids!

1. Haley Jenet graduated from Rodriguez High School. Whatt?? When did she grow up? She will always be the cute, stubborn, little tomboy who played street hockey with me in the backyard. I already have a sister that is graduating? That makes me feel old. I am so excited and anxious for my little sis to start figuring out the rest of her life. She has so much to offer!

2. Heidi Jayne turned the big SEVENTEEN on June 1st. I feel like it was just last year when she couldn't say her R's and would say her birthday was on 'june foyst.' But, she's about to be a Senior. It blows my mind. She's been counting down the days until college ever since I left, haha. Stop! Enjoy your time at home, girl!

3. Heather Lenore graduated from Middle School. She'll be in High School next year. I swear she grew up overnight. Swear it. When i left home she was still my baby sister who played with stuffed animals. All of a sudden she's a texting teenager with boy problems?? And she's the same size as me? I can't handle this!

4. Hunter Wood was baptized on Saturday. (The reason I went home for the weekend). My sweet, sweet little Hunter. It kills me that he is already 8 years old. Words cannot express how much joy i felt after watching him make the decision to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Tears. It was such a special experience, I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

5. Haydn Arthur graduated from Pre-School. My BABY is a little school boy? Not to be redundant or anything, but i can't handle this!! I was 16 when he was born, and yes i was in the hospital too. (It was my parents form of teenage birth control). He will always be my wittle baby.

Big stuff right? A lot of transitions. I am so proud of each one of my little H's. I love them more than they could ever know. But of course none of them could have been so great if it weren't for Howarde and Holly. me mom and dad. Dear rents, thanks for always being there. And for having great style too ;).

Love, Hanna Marie

san diego

last weekend i got to spend time with my mother and three sisters. We all met up in San Diego for Bristyl's (gorgeous) wedding. It was fun to be with all the Bennion women and to reminisce with old friends in old places. Oh, my childhood. I do miss it.

fringe?

kate (my good friend that lives down the hall--i practically live with her) cut my bangs a few days ago. I had been thinking about going for the straight cut all year but couldn't find the courage to do so. i finally did it. first time i've had fringe all the way across since elementary school. luckily they are long enough that i can still sweep them to the side if i need to.

i said...BRING ON THE SPRING

so far it's been rainy and snowy and cold! This isn't what i bargained for!