the end

sort of.

obviously, blogging hasn't been on the top of my priority list for the past 8 months. i wanted to make a new blog for this new chapter in my life, but i have been ignoring the task. i finally did it, folks. This will be the last post here. i am abandoning it. i know soooo many people read this. but just in case you actually do...

join me in my new adventure with chris here.

exactly 5 years ago

i was 16. i went to my first prom with my seminary teacher's son. I really only knew of him from school and church...and because he lived down the street. After he asked me to prom we started hanging out a little more. It turned out he had a secret crush on me. Who knew? Now, three proms, one mission, and a few years of college later...we're getting married. crazy, right?

spring?

easter egg stash or easter egg stache?

personally, i went with the stache.

happy late easter!

So, winter semester was a blast....but there are no blogs to show for it. aye yaye yaye!

here are some highlights:

disco skating for haley's birthday

lots of studying/napping

getting engaged

BYU sports

festival of colors

going home

Cordelia's Got Talent

haydn break dancing

hunter shooting things off Chris's head

easter in california

somewhere in there Chris turned 22 and i turned 21. yay for april babies.

and now we're back for spring semester. i'm taking classes and he's working. we're planning for a wedding and living happy in the spring sun...well, we're hoping for the spring sun in this utah weather :)

he liked it, and he put a ring on it!!

It started with a little ring shopping (just to find out my size, of course). Then, i saw a ring i loved. All of a sudden we were at Goldsmith's Co. designing my ring and talking about marriage in every other conversation. We kind of lucked out since my future sister in law's brother works at Goldsmith and gave us the SWEET family discount.

Then I left the picture. I didn't want to know when Chris picked up the ring or anything. But, of course, I was on my toes for awhile ;). On Friday, March 18, we went out to Tucanos for dinner. Afterward, we went back to my apartment to watch the Notebook in the front room. The Notebook is the movie we watched 4 1/2 years ago when he asked me to be his girlfriend in 2006. In the middle of the movie Chris had his friend text him. So, while we were cuddling and watching the movie, Chris says, "My phone just vibrated, can you get it for me?" I reached in his pocket to find a small, black, velvet box...definitely not his phone. Then Chris got on his knee, said a bunch of really cute things and proposed. I said yes. We were engaged. THEN, about five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Confused, I opened it to find Chris's friend, Thomas, dressed in delivery attire with a package for a "Miss--i mean--Mrs. Redfern." He had me sign for the box, congratulated us, and then left. Inside the box was a bunch of cute pictures, candies, and memories (in particular 30 'riesens' why he loves me). Now we are engaged and planning to get married in the Oakland Temple on August 5, 2011.

As you can see, today Lindsey took pictures of us and the ring after church just for fun. These aren't the official engagement photos even though they look legit. She's amazing. And now everyone can see!

we are the champions, my friends

and that was on display in today's game.

(this one is better quality than the last clip i posted..try to find us!)

the flash mob dance in the second half was a lot of fun. chris and i are in the middle of that. in white. about 18th row on the left side of middle section.

i realize...

that it has been nearly three months since my last post. i don't know why this seems to happen around this time of year. I just got too far behind and didn't know where to start...you can ignore christmas, new years, the new semester, valentines day. and ignore all of the minor everyday things that go on in my life. at least for right now. i might post a few pictures later.

but this couldn't wait.

(we're really gangster)

i have the cutest little brothers in the world. A few months ago i got a letter from home that said Haydn wanted to marry me. Keep in mind he is five years old and doesn't quite have a complete understanding on marriage. What he does know is that you marry someone you love and you get to live with them forever. Obviously that means his cool older sister, right? When Hunter was younger he wanted to marry my mom. Now that he is a little older, he's moved on. But Haydn is still dreaming. Dialogue from earlier:

Mom: What if Hanna gets married to Chris?

Haydn: No! I want to marry her. Tell Chris he can't.

Mom: Are you getting her a ring?

Haydn: I want to get her a ring, but i don't know where they are...!

love it. i will be interested to see if he finds any rings.

happy.

photo taken by lindsey redfern

baby, it's cold outside.

i'm a little upset because the "embedding has been disabled by request" for every single youtube video of the zooey deschanel version of baby, it's cold outside. random. for those of you who haven't heard it, listen to it here. i love it. for a few reasons.

reason number one.

zooey deschanel. for female celebrity crushes. she's in my top three. (the other two being amanda bynes and rachel mcadams. of course). she is adorable. i know she doesn't have the most amazing voice, but i love the edge to it. somebody once told me i sounded like her when singing. i about died. if only.

reason number two.

when it comes to christmas music (aside from choral music like oh, holy night sung by josh groban or david archuleta) i love the classics. none of those cheesy covers that you hear in almost every store. i like it old school style. you know-- dean martin, frank sinatra, michael buble, etc. i could listen to them all night long snuggled on the couch with some hot cocoa. "baby, it's cold outside," definitely fits into this category.

reason number three.

it's from elf. i mean c'mon. great movie.

since i couldn't post zooey's version. watch this. it's pretty funny.

happy december.

i'm back in icy, snowy utah. i miss the beautiful fall leaves in virginia. and the people there too. obviously. but i am excited for winter because that means christmas is closer. i can't wait to see my family and be in california. i miss them. it's only two weeks and a day. i can do it. i won't get any sleep until the 17th. but i can do it.

thanksgiving. it was amazing. sorry, i only have phone pictures.

he wore my huge soccer jersey.

we found this ancient picture from a youth dance. hahaha

i am done waiting.

i waited 8 months while he was at BYU during my senior year of high school.

i waited six months for him to leave on his mission--because he broke his ankle and couldn't leave when he was called.

i waited 2 years while he served the Lord in Mexico.

during those two years i waited MONTHS at a time to receive letters because the mail situation was less than desirable.

i waited an extra month for him to get back in the United States--because he extended.

i've waited ANOTHER three weeks for Thanksgiving Break--because I can't afford to leave school and i wanted to give him a few weeks of transition time.

folks. the time has come. in a little over 24 hours i will be getting on a plane. that plane will take me to Atlanta, where i will get on another plane. and that plane will take me to Virginia. where chris redfern will be waiting for me.

Even though things have been off and on during each of these waiting periods. even though we have spent a lot of time apart and have a lot to catch up on. even though after all this i still have to wait another month and a half for him to come back to BYU. even though i can't promise what will or will not come out of all of this. one thing is for sure. tomorrow night. TOMORROW NIGHT. i will be reunited with one of my very very best friends. and no matter what happens, i will always love this boy. because he knows me better than most people ever will and his faith in me has given me motivation to be a better person.

i could pee my pants i'm so excited.

(this is us as babies)

more.

lately i've been having an overwhelming desire to change the world.

i want to make a difference.

there is so much more to life than the world portrays. my time would be better spent if i focused less on myself and more on others.

i'll be gone til november.

and give a kiss to my motha. i used to listen to this song last winter thinking november would never come. and now it's here.

so much on my mind.

this week i have two GIANT math tests and a presentation. all on thursday. but thursday couldn't come any slower!!!! sounds backwards right?? well, i left out one minor detail. CHRIS IS COMING HOME! oh my gosh. i can't breath.

sniffles

snow in october plus staying up all night doing math homework equals one sick hanna. sore throat, sneezing, headache, runny nose...the works. i wish it were possible to take a day off! but no can do. provo better stay clear cuz there's no stopping me people. i figure since it's halloween i have more of an excuse to look half dead everyday this week. right? but at least my phone isn't janky anymore! after four trips to the mall i finally purchased a new one :).

ps. nine days left. also, since when is saying "I'm jealous" the same thing as saying "I'm happy for you?" Isn't that contradictory? i know that i have said that a million times without meaning it, and i will try to stop. Because really? it doesn't sound meaningful and it's slightly annoying and selfish.

can't a girl just be homesick?

i made a very last minute decision to go home this weekend. my family didn't respond the way i thought they would. it was actually really funny. don't get me wrong, they are all very excited, but last night as i skyped my sister she asked me why i was coming home. apparently, it's been the topic of discussion back in the 707. heather guessed it was because chris was coming home. then she realized his family doesn't live in california anymore and he doesn't get home for two more weeks. my favorite guess was made by my grandma. she suggested that i was engaged and was flying back with my fiance to show the ring. HAHAHAHAHA. grandma, who on earth would i be engaged to right now? last i checked you had to be exclusively dating one person for that to happen. after several more ridiculous guesses, i told my family that i just miss them and i miss california. i spent a total of three weeks there all summer. that's not enough! and we won't be spending thanksgiving break in california so i won't be able to go back until christmas. that's just too long. plus, it's been a deeeem hard semester for me. i just want to get away. shoot dang, can't a girl be homesick for once? i want to snuggle with my baby brothers. i want to hang out with my sisters. i want to eat my momma's cookin. i want to beat my dad at scrabble. i want to play on our piano. i want to sit on the porch. i want to drive down green valley and watch the sunset. i just want HOME! let that be enough.

get off your ath, let's do some math.

what started off as a bad day has quickly changed for the better. i feel fresh, rejuvenated and excited about life. oh, what a feeling.

the past few weeks--scratch that--months have been nothing short from complete chaos. i have asked myself 1oo times why i torture myself with so many math classes when i'm thinking about double majoring anyway. it's almost impossible to stay caught up in every class when there is homework due everyday. i feel like i am constantly doing math. math. math.(and soccer). and because i have ADD i don't always understand what it is that we are talking about all of the time. because i'll get distracted. needless to say, it has been overwhelming.

but it's days like today that remind me why i decided to be a math ed major. i might not be one of those nerds who knows everything, it might take me a little bit to fully grasp certain concepts, but overall...i enjoy math. i find it intriguing that mathematical formulas and theories have been progressing since the beginning of time. i have always enjoyed puzzles and games that involve mathematical thinking. (which by the way, more games involve math than you would think...don't tell my roomies, but this is why i win at cards and scrabble almost every time). and on top of that i like kids and i like helping people.

i just sometimes forget this fact when i am covered head to toe in assignments that i don't understand. even though it is frustrating to get a bad grade on a test or an assignment, i know that when i put my mind to something i CAN figure it out. it just might take me a little while, and i might need a little help. the only problem i have now is finding the time to focus on the details of my math classes. and the desire to do so.

i'm not sure what sparked my interest today. i really have no idea why i'm having a good math day. maybe it's because two of my math teachers noticed me today? (which is unfortunate because i slept in and look like hell) maybe it's because it's the weekend and i just finished two difficult tests? i don't know. but i do know that this excitement was much needed. last friday after the day was over i felt very depressed. i got home after being on campus for 12 hours and i just wanted to cry. and cry. i felt so little and insignificant. and on top of that i felt like i had no time for life anymore. This was after i had taken my mathematical proofs test, so i was a little exhausted.

Now back to present time. Today, i went up to my proofs teacher to tell him that my homework assignment wasn't handed back to me. He asked me for my name and he started writing a reminder on his paper "email grader about Hanna Bennion's assignment." Shocked, i noted that he spelled my name with no H at the end. No one ever knows how to spell my name right. His response "Ah, yes. That's because i was just grading your test earlier and i was very impressed with your performance." i was speechless.

This particular teacher happens to be the most mathematically inspired intellectual i have ever met. For example, today we were supposed to talk about chapter seven but he got side tracked because he was too excited about this proof that he has been discovering for twenty years about a triple bubble in space....whattt? Who spends time discovering new proofs? Smart, devoted people. that's who. and he happened to be impressed with my work. who knows if he was talking about the entire test, or one tiny proof that won't count much for my grade. i don't care. it was enough for me to get remotivated. that's why today is going to be a good day.

in the long run, who cares about a few low scores. it's all about the learning experience, anyway. i have recited this so many times in my life, but i have never really listened to it. i think for the first time i can actually apply it.

i hope i can keep this new found desire to learn going next week. i could really use it.

And since we're on the subject of math-- i'm starting to notice that a lot of math teachers tell jokes when they teach. But they don't let you know when they do. have they always done this? has it just gone over my head? should i be worried that now i understand these jokes? i'm sure there are plenty more that i still don't catch...but the number of jokes only increase the farther up in math i get.

gratitude

i am so grateful for modern day apostles and prophets that live and testify of Christ. I know i am a week late, but it is such an amazing opportunity to listen to living scripture during General Conference. I love and adore our prophets, seers, and revelators. They are truly men of God. I know that if we live by the Spirit, we will come to know that their words are true.

President Thomas S. Monson is, indeed, a Prophet of God. In the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "Not one of us could serve without your prayers and without your support. Your loyalty and your love mean more to us than we can ever possibly say."

I am grateful for his example of compassion. His caring words and loving presence this Fall brought tears of gratitude to my eyes.

I have a lot to improve on and at times I feel undeserving of such love and such blessings. I hope that by following his teachings and remembering his words i will be able to better emulate charity, patience, and an attitude of gratitude toward those who have both let me down and lifted me up.

currently.

i have no time for a life. and it's starting to really get to me. it's depressing. it's tiring.

ps. today is the two year mark.

janky.

This is my phone.

I've had it since freshman year. That's not too bad, right? I love my phone. It's blue. It's cute. I can text, call, take pictures. That's all i care about. That's all i need.

Despite my attatchment to this piece of technology, my phone is janky. It turns off all the time (sometimes for days at a time), the charger doesn't work, the camera has been broken for months--it's janky. I have to admit, i do drop my phone. a lot. But i HAVE had it for two years. If it's still functional that says something. right?

Despite months and months of avoiding the verizon store, i have accepted the fact that it is time for a new phone. Earlier this week i went to get one, but things didn't work out. they didn't have my model anymore. it had retired. i had to pick a new one. one with a required internet bill once a month, a "smart phone." ugh. i'm still getting a new phone, it's just taking a little longer than expected.

i was content with my decision. i was ready to let go of the light blue chocolate that stood through my toughest college experiences.

And THEN something happened. today (no lie) somebody told me not to expect to get asked on dates if i had a flip phone. They said I couldn't compete in the dating market unless i accepted new innovations. Am i not allowed to enjoy the simplicity of the 12 button text pad? Must i conform to this keypad/touch screen generation? Must i??

i mean, i had every intention to do so in the next few days. but now that i know my dating life depends on it, i am having second thoughts. the last vibe i want to give off is that i label my self-worth by my material belongings. and the last man i would want to attract is one who judges me based on something as meaningless as a cell phone.