HANNA MARIE.

the end

2012-01-23T21:04:00.000-08:00

sort of.

obviously, blogging hasn't been on the top of my priority list for the past 8 months. i wanted to make a new blog for this new chapter in my life, but i have been ignoring the task. i finally did it, folks. This will be the last post here. i am abandoning it. i know soooo many people read this. but just in case you actually do...

join me in my new adventure with chris here.

exactly 5 years ago

2011-05-20T08:10:00.001-07:00

i was 16. i went to my first prom with my seminary teacher's son. I really only knew of him from school and church...and because he lived down the street. After he asked me to prom we started hanging out a little more. It turned out he had a secret crush on me. Who knew? Now, three proms, one mission, and a few years of college later...we're getting married. crazy, right?

spring?

2011-05-02T09:04:00.001-07:00

easter egg stash or easter egg stache?

personally, i went with the stache.

happy late easter!

So, winter semester was a blast....but there are no blogs to show for it. aye yaye yaye!

here are some highlights:

disco skating for haley's birthday

lots of studying/napping

getting engaged

BYU sports

festival of colors

going home

Cordelia's Got Talent

haydn break dancing

hunter shooting things off Chris's head

easter in california

somewhere in there Chris turned 22 and i turned 21. yay for april babies.

and now we're back for spring semester. i'm taking classes and he's working. we're planning for a wedding and living happy in the spring sun...well, we're hoping for the spring sun in this utah weather :)

he liked it, and he put a ring on it!!

2011-03-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

It started with a little ring shopping (just to find out my size, of course). Then, i saw a ring i loved. All of a sudden we were at Goldsmith's Co. designing my ring and talking about marriage in every other conversation. We kind of lucked out since my future sister in law's brother works at Goldsmith and gave us the SWEET family discount.

Then I left the picture. I didn't want to know when Chris picked up the ring or anything. But, of course, I was on my toes for awhile ;). On Friday, March 18, we went out to Tucanos for dinner. Afterward, we went back to my apartment to watch the Notebook in the front room. The Notebook is the movie we watched 4 1/2 years ago when he asked me to be his girlfriend in 2006. In the middle of the movie Chris had his friend text him. So, while we were cuddling and watching the movie, Chris says, "My phone just vibrated, can you get it for me?" I reached in his pocket to find a small, black, velvet box...definitely not his phone. Then Chris got on his knee, said a bunch of really cute things and proposed. I said yes. We were engaged. THEN, about five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Confused, I opened it to find Chris's friend, Thomas, dressed in delivery attire with a package for a "Miss--i mean--Mrs. Redfern." He had me sign for the box, congratulated us, and then left. Inside the box was a bunch of cute pictures, candies, and memories (in particular 30 'riesens' why he loves me). Now we are engaged and planning to get married in the Oakland Temple on August 5, 2011.

As you can see, today Lindsey took pictures of us and the ring after church just for fun. These aren't the official engagement photos even though they look legit. She's amazing. And now everyone can see!

we are the champions, my friends

2011-03-05T21:23:00.000-08:00

and that was on display in today's game.

(this one is better quality than the last clip i posted..try to find us!)

the flash mob dance in the second half was a lot of fun. chris and i are in the middle of that. in white. about 18th row on the left side of middle section.

i realize...

2011-02-26T18:20:00.000-08:00

that it has been nearly three months since my last post. i don't know why this seems to happen around this time of year. I just got too far behind and didn't know where to start...you can ignore christmas, new years, the new semester, valentines day. and ignore all of the minor everyday things that go on in my life. at least for right now. i might post a few pictures later.

but this couldn't wait.

(we're really gangster)

i have the cutest little brothers in the world. A few months ago i got a letter from home that said Haydn wanted to marry me. Keep in mind he is five years old and doesn't quite have a complete understanding on marriage. What he does know is that you marry someone you love and you get to live with them forever. Obviously that means his cool older sister, right? When Hunter was younger he wanted to marry my mom. Now that he is a little older, he's moved on. But Haydn is still dreaming. Dialogue from earlier:

Mom: What if Hanna gets married to Chris?

Haydn: No! I want to marry her. Tell Chris he can't.

Mom: Are you getting her a ring?

Haydn: I want to get her a ring, but i don't know where they are...!

love it. i will be interested to see if he finds any rings.

2010-12-09T16:31:00.000-08:00

happy.

2010-12-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

photo taken by lindsey redfern

baby, it's cold outside.

2010-12-04T17:16:00.000-08:00

i'm a little upset because the "embedding has been disabled by request" for every single youtube video of the zooey deschanel version of baby, it's cold outside. random. for those of you who haven't heard it, listen to it here. i love it. for a few reasons.

reason number one.

zooey deschanel. for female celebrity crushes. she's in my top three. (the other two being amanda bynes and rachel mcadams. of course). she is adorable. i know she doesn't have the most amazing voice, but i love the edge to it. somebody once told me i sounded like her when singing. i about died. if only.

reason number two.

when it comes to christmas music (aside from choral music like oh, holy night sung by josh groban or david archuleta) i love the classics. none of those cheesy covers that you hear in almost every store. i like it old school style. you know-- dean martin, frank sinatra, michael buble, etc. i could listen to them all night long snuggled on the couch with some hot cocoa. "baby, it's cold outside," definitely fits into this category.

reason number three.

it's from elf. i mean c'mon. great movie.

since i couldn't post zooey's version. watch this. it's pretty funny.

happy december.

2010-12-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

i'm back in icy, snowy utah. i miss the beautiful fall leaves in virginia. and the people there too. obviously. but i am excited for winter because that means christmas is closer. i can't wait to see my family and be in california. i miss them. it's only two weeks and a day. i can do it. i won't get any sleep until the 17th. but i can do it.

thanksgiving. it was amazing. sorry, i only have phone pictures.

he wore my huge soccer jersey.

we found this ancient picture from a youth dance. hahaha

i am done waiting.

2010-11-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

i waited 8 months while he was at BYU during my senior year of high school.

i waited six months for him to leave on his mission--because he broke his ankle and couldn't leave when he was called.

i waited 2 years while he served the Lord in Mexico.

during those two years i waited MONTHS at a time to receive letters because the mail situation was less than desirable.

i waited an extra month for him to get back in the United States--because he extended.

i've waited ANOTHER three weeks for Thanksgiving Break--because I can't afford to leave school and i wanted to give him a few weeks of transition time.

folks. the time has come. in a little over 24 hours i will be getting on a plane. that plane will take me to Atlanta, where i will get on another plane. and that plane will take me to Virginia. where chris redfern will be waiting for me.

Even though things have been off and on during each of these waiting periods. even though we have spent a lot of time apart and have a lot to catch up on. even though after all this i still have to wait another month and a half for him to come back to BYU. even though i can't promise what will or will not come out of all of this. one thing is for sure. tomorrow night. TOMORROW NIGHT. i will be reunited with one of my very very best friends. and no matter what happens, i will always love this boy. because he knows me better than most people ever will and his faith in me has given me motivation to be a better person.

i could pee my pants i'm so excited.

(this is us as babies)

more.

2010-11-10T16:40:00.000-08:00

lately i've been having an overwhelming desire to change the world.

i want to make a difference.

there is so much more to life than the world portrays. my time would be better spent if i focused less on myself and more on others.

i'll be gone til november.

2010-11-01T14:06:00.000-07:00

and give a kiss to my motha. i used to listen to this song last winter thinking november would never come. and now it's here.

so much on my mind.

2010-10-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

this week i have two GIANT math tests and a presentation. all on thursday. but thursday couldn't come any slower!!!! sounds backwards right?? well, i left out one minor detail. CHRIS IS COMING HOME! oh my gosh. i can't breath.

sniffles

2010-10-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

snow in october plus staying up all night doing math homework equals one sick hanna. sore throat, sneezing, headache, runny nose...the works. i wish it were possible to take a day off! but no can do. provo better stay clear cuz there's no stopping me people. i figure since it's halloween i have more of an excuse to look half dead everyday this week. right? but at least my phone isn't janky anymore! after four trips to the mall i finally purchased a new one :).

ps. nine days left. also, since when is saying "I'm jealous" the same thing as saying "I'm happy for you?" Isn't that contradictory? i know that i have said that a million times without meaning it, and i will try to stop. Because really? it doesn't sound meaningful and it's slightly annoying and selfish.

can't a girl just be homesick?

2010-10-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

i made a very last minute decision to go home this weekend. my family didn't respond the way i thought they would. it was actually really funny. don't get me wrong, they are all very excited, but last night as i skyped my sister she asked me why i was coming home. apparently, it's been the topic of discussion back in the 707. heather guessed it was because chris was coming home. then she realized his family doesn't live in california anymore and he doesn't get home for two more weeks. my favorite guess was made by my grandma. she suggested that i was engaged and was flying back with my fiance to show the ring. HAHAHAHAHA. grandma, who on earth would i be engaged to right now? last i checked you had to be exclusively dating one person for that to happen. after several more ridiculous guesses, i told my family that i just miss them and i miss california. i spent a total of three weeks there all summer. that's not enough! and we won't be spending thanksgiving break in california so i won't be able to go back until christmas. that's just too long. plus, it's been a deeeem hard semester for me. i just want to get away. shoot dang, can't a girl be homesick for once? i want to snuggle with my baby brothers. i want to hang out with my sisters. i want to eat my momma's cookin. i want to beat my dad at scrabble. i want to play on our piano. i want to sit on the porch. i want to drive down green valley and watch the sunset. i just want HOME! let that be enough.

get off your ath, let's do some math.

2010-10-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

what started off as a bad day has quickly changed for the better. i feel fresh, rejuvenated and excited about life. oh, what a feeling.

the past few weeks--scratch that--months have been nothing short from complete chaos. i have asked myself 1oo times why i torture myself with so many math classes when i'm thinking about double majoring anyway. it's almost impossible to stay caught up in every class when there is homework due everyday. i feel like i am constantly doing math. math. math.(and soccer). and because i have ADD i don't always understand what it is that we are talking about all of the time. because i'll get distracted. needless to say, it has been overwhelming.

but it's days like today that remind me why i decided to be a math ed major. i might not be one of those nerds who knows everything, it might take me a little bit to fully grasp certain concepts, but overall...i enjoy math. i find it intriguing that mathematical formulas and theories have been progressing since the beginning of time. i have always enjoyed puzzles and games that involve mathematical thinking. (which by the way, more games involve math than you would think...don't tell my roomies, but this is why i win at cards and scrabble almost every time). and on top of that i like kids and i like helping people.

i just sometimes forget this fact when i am covered head to toe in assignments that i don't understand. even though it is frustrating to get a bad grade on a test or an assignment, i know that when i put my mind to something i CAN figure it out. it just might take me a little while, and i might need a little help. the only problem i have now is finding the time to focus on the details of my math classes. and the desire to do so.

i'm not sure what sparked my interest today. i really have no idea why i'm having a good math day. maybe it's because two of my math teachers noticed me today? (which is unfortunate because i slept in and look like hell) maybe it's because it's the weekend and i just finished two difficult tests? i don't know. but i do know that this excitement was much needed. last friday after the day was over i felt very depressed. i got home after being on campus for 12 hours and i just wanted to cry. and cry. i felt so little and insignificant. and on top of that i felt like i had no time for life anymore. This was after i had taken my mathematical proofs test, so i was a little exhausted.

Now back to present time. Today, i went up to my proofs teacher to tell him that my homework assignment wasn't handed back to me. He asked me for my name and he started writing a reminder on his paper "email grader about Hanna Bennion's assignment." Shocked, i noted that he spelled my name with no H at the end. No one ever knows how to spell my name right. His response "Ah, yes. That's because i was just grading your test earlier and i was very impressed with your performance." i was speechless.

This particular teacher happens to be the most mathematically inspired intellectual i have ever met. For example, today we were supposed to talk about chapter seven but he got side tracked because he was too excited about this proof that he has been discovering for twenty years about a triple bubble in space....whattt? Who spends time discovering new proofs? Smart, devoted people. that's who. and he happened to be impressed with my work. who knows if he was talking about the entire test, or one tiny proof that won't count much for my grade. i don't care. it was enough for me to get remotivated. that's why today is going to be a good day.

in the long run, who cares about a few low scores. it's all about the learning experience, anyway. i have recited this so many times in my life, but i have never really listened to it. i think for the first time i can actually apply it.

i hope i can keep this new found desire to learn going next week. i could really use it.

And since we're on the subject of math-- i'm starting to notice that a lot of math teachers tell jokes when they teach. But they don't let you know when they do. have they always done this? has it just gone over my head? should i be worried that now i understand these jokes? i'm sure there are plenty more that i still don't catch...but the number of jokes only increase the farther up in math i get.

gratitude

2010-10-13T15:37:00.000-07:00

i am so grateful for modern day apostles and prophets that live and testify of Christ. I know i am a week late, but it is such an amazing opportunity to listen to living scripture during General Conference. I love and adore our prophets, seers, and revelators. They are truly men of God. I know that if we live by the Spirit, we will come to know that their words are true.

President Thomas S. Monson is, indeed, a Prophet of God. In the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "Not one of us could serve without your prayers and without your support. Your loyalty and your love mean more to us than we can ever possibly say."

I am grateful for his example of compassion. His caring words and loving presence this Fall brought tears of gratitude to my eyes.

I have a lot to improve on and at times I feel undeserving of such love and such blessings. I hope that by following his teachings and remembering his words i will be able to better emulate charity, patience, and an attitude of gratitude toward those who have both let me down and lifted me up.

currently.

2010-10-08T20:35:00.000-07:00

i have no time for a life. and it's starting to really get to me. it's depressing. it's tiring.

ps. today is the two year mark.

janky.

2010-10-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

This is my phone.

I've had it since freshman year. That's not too bad, right? I love my phone. It's blue. It's cute. I can text, call, take pictures. That's all i care about. That's all i need.

Despite my attatchment to this piece of technology, my phone is janky. It turns off all the time (sometimes for days at a time), the charger doesn't work, the camera has been broken for months--it's janky. I have to admit, i do drop my phone. a lot. But i HAVE had it for two years. If it's still functional that says something. right?

Despite months and months of avoiding the verizon store, i have accepted the fact that it is time for a new phone. Earlier this week i went to get one, but things didn't work out. they didn't have my model anymore. it had retired. i had to pick a new one. one with a required internet bill once a month, a "smart phone." ugh. i'm still getting a new phone, it's just taking a little longer than expected.

i was content with my decision. i was ready to let go of the light blue chocolate that stood through my toughest college experiences.

And THEN something happened. today (no lie) somebody told me not to expect to get asked on dates if i had a flip phone. They said I couldn't compete in the dating market unless i accepted new innovations. Am i not allowed to enjoy the simplicity of the 12 button text pad? Must i conform to this keypad/touch screen generation? Must i??

i mean, i had every intention to do so in the next few days. but now that i know my dating life depends on it, i am having second thoughts. the last vibe i want to give off is that i label my self-worth by my material belongings. and the last man i would want to attract is one who judges me based on something as meaningless as a cell phone.

whose bed have ya' boots been under?

2010-09-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

i'm waiting at a crosswalk to cross the street. A very very old man in an extremely masculine looking yellow convertible sports car (with the top down) comes racing by. This same man happens to be blasting his loud, new, fancy stereo so that everyone who is within a mile can hear his music to perfection. His song choice? Shania Twain- "Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?"

(Ironically, the old man i saw looked a lot like the one in this video at 0:51...white stache and all)

As if this story couldn't get better. I walk through a few buildings and out into another parking lot. The same man happens to drive by me for a second time. With another classic Shania Twain hit.

Needless to say. The morning that had me in nearly tears turned into uncontrollable laughter on my walk home from campus. Thank you, old man.

i need.

2010-09-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

to hike a mountain.

i miss the wilderness.

when i was five i married a man named rebecca.

2010-09-27T16:19:00.000-07:00

He had red hair and was at least 20 years older than me. In efforts to avoid this event, i hid in my wedding dress. It happened to be hanging in a closet in the middle of a meadow.

This is one of the earliest dreams that i can remember in detail. Am i the only one who is constantly dreaming? i'm talkin' long, vivid, bizarre dreams. dang near e'ry night. Dreams that feel so real, it takes a good 30 seconds after waking up to realize who and where you really are.

The other day i was talking to a friend who claims that he never has dreams. If he does, he doesn't remember them. Because of this, he has a hard time believing people when they give outrageous dream recaps. He's convinced that his roommate makes up dreams just so he can have a crazy story to tell. I decided it would be better not to mention to him that the night before I had dreamt that i was in a 1970's horror film that involved giant killer whales.

It was terrifying.

remember

2010-09-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

I spent a lot of my Saturday watching the history channel with my roommate. Watching footage from September 11, 2001 brought that day back so vividly. It felt so surreal. I cannot believe that it has been 9 years since America was attacked. I will never forget how I felt that day or the many days following it.

"It's a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. It's also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend--even a friend whose name it never knew."

-George W. Bush

ranch life.

2010-08-10T17:58:00.000-07:00

There's this thing called Post Ranch Depression. Approximately 70 or so people suffer from this disorder once a year. It's real. And it bites.

This summer i worked at Birch Creek Service Ranch as a counselor/cook for teenagers.

I've been back in civilization for a month and I still find myself bringing the ranch into my daily conversations. I know that it's annoying. I can't help it, people.

The reason post ranch depression is so common

is because of how real and true the ranch makes people feel. We have no rules, but we live and teach principles: be service oriented, think of others first, and challenge yourself. By following these principles and by serving others side by side, kids start to build REAL friendships that have substance rather than relationships based on outside stereotypes.

We have a camp creed that hangs on the wall by the kitchen. It has become one of my favorite quotes:

"Learn to like what doesn't cost much.
Learn to like reading, conversation, music.
Learn to like plain food, plain service, plain cooking.
Learn to like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing, climbing hills.
Learn to like people, even though some of them may be different...different f

rom you.
Learn to like to work and enjoy the satisfaction doing your job as well as it can be done.
Learn to like the song of birds, the companionship of dogs.
Learn to like gardening, puttering around the house, and fixing things.
Learn to like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows, and the gentle fall of snow on a winter day.
Learn to keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others."
— Lowell Bennion

One of the biggest lessons that I have learned from the ranch over the years is to enjoy the simple things in life. It's easy to get caught up in materialistic luxuries; it's easy to take all of the little blessings for granted. But, if we fill up our lives with the small and simple joys, we can have a life full of true happiness. At the ranch we are temporarily outside of the real world. We live in complete simplicity. That's why we love it. That's why we keep coming.

Symptoms of Post Ranch Depression consist of random desires to sleep outside, to call locals and offer yard assistance, and to eat excessive amounts of oatmeal. If you find yourself feeling guilty for sleeping in a comfortable bed and for taking daily showers, there is a large possibility that you have PRD. If you think you might be suffering from Post Ranch Depression, please contact fellow campers and counselors for support.

big steps in the bennion home

2010-06-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

This weekend I flew home for the first time since Christmas; it was a very, VERY quick visit. It is a bittersweet experience to come back and see how much the family has changed. All my wittle babies are growing up! Anybody who is an oldest sibling can understand the natural "Big Sister Instincts" that i have always had growing up at home.

For those of you who are unaware, let me fill you in. As big sisters:

- we have (false) authority as a third parent...whatever we say is right, don't question it.

-we are convinced that we have taught our younger siblings everything they know...don't try to convince us otherwise.

-we display over-protective behavior...NO ONE messes with our younger siblings, that's our job, duh.

- -and here's the biggest Big Sister secret: we act like our younger siblings are annoying as if we don't care about their lives...In reality, we love them to death and sincerely want the most for them.

Now that everyone is on the same page, I would like to take this opportunity to brag about my own sibs. Because shoot dang, it has been a big month for the Bennion kids!

1. Haley Jenet graduated from Rodriguez High School. Whatt?? When did she grow up? She will always be the cute, stubborn, little tomboy who played street hockey with me in the backyard. I already have a sister that is graduating? That makes me feel old. I am so excited and anxious for my little sis to start figuring out the rest of her life. She has so much to offer!

2. Heidi Jayne turned the big SEVENTEEN on June 1st. I feel like it was just last year when she couldn't say her R's and would say her birthday was on 'june foyst.' But, she's about to be a Senior. It blows my mind. She's been counting down the days until college ever since I left, haha. Stop! Enjoy your time at home, girl!

3. Heather Lenore graduated from Middle School. She'll be in High School next year. I swear she grew up overnight. Swear it. When i left home she was still my baby sister who played with stuffed animals. All of a sudden she's a texting teenager with boy problems?? And she's the same size as me? I can't handle this!

4. Hunter Wood was baptized on Saturday. (The reason I went home for the weekend). My sweet, sweet little Hunter. It kills me that he is already 8 years old. Words cannot express how much joy i felt after watching him make the decision to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Tears. It was such a special experience, I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

5. Haydn Arthur graduated from Pre-School. My BABY is a little school boy? Not to be redundant or anything, but i can't handle this!! I was 16 when he was born, and yes i was in the hospital too. (It was my parents form of teenage birth control). He will always be my wittle baby.

Big stuff right? A lot of transitions. I am so proud of each one of my little H's. I love them more than they could ever know. But of course none of them could have been so great if it weren't for Howarde and Holly. me mom and dad. Dear rents, thanks for always being there. And for having great style too ;).

Love, Hanna Marie

san diego

2010-06-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

last weekend i got to spend time with my mother and three sisters. We all met up in San Diego for Bristyl's (gorgeous) wedding. It was fun to be with all the Bennion women and to reminisce with old friends in old places. Oh, my childhood. I do miss it.

fringe?

2010-05-21T14:57:00.000-07:00

kate (my good friend that lives down the hall--i practically live with her) cut my bangs a few days ago. I had been thinking about going for the straight cut all year but couldn't find the courage to do so. i finally did it. first time i've had fringe all the way across since elementary school. luckily they are long enough that i can still sweep them to the side if i need to.

i said...BRING ON THE SPRING

2010-05-02T15:25:00.000-07:00

so far it's been rainy and snowy and cold! This isn't what i bargained for!

bring on the spring.

2010-04-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

Love. love. lOVE.

(doodle of the day)

is the theme of 2010. everyone is getting married. EVERYONE. but that's just how it rolls at byu. Fall = the meeting. Winter = the engagement. Spring = the wedding. While I don't particularly see myself falling into this BYU trap, it happens to hundreds--HUNDREDS--every time. But hey, i'm happy for them. What's right is right...(let's just hope it's right).

schooool.

(picture taken as soon as my last final was completed)

Winter Semester of 2010 is overrrr. can i get a woot woot? Hellooo Spring. Bring on the bathing suits, sunglasses, tans, and barefooted soccer matches in the grass...i am so ready. Still wishing there was a longer break between the two semesters, but hey, what can you do? Classes start again on Tuesday (which unfortunately is my birthday). I'm excited for the sun and warmth, not so much the continuation of classes.

home.

(photo credit--Howard Bennion)

BUT. I do miss northern california very, very much. It has been four months. I just want to be with my family! I miss green valley! Hopefully I can find a weekend to squeeze a visit in.

and of course, foof.

(Elder Chris Redfern, serving in Tampico, Mexico)

my best friend in the entire world turned 21 on april 12th (12

days ago). Yea, yea...i didn't blog on time, what else is new? Happy late birthday ma dear. I remember when you turned 16. That was five years ago. Can you say crazzy?? i can. feliz cumpleanos a ti.

lOVE,

hanna marie

san felipe

2010-04-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Last week my favorite people in this world went to my favorite place in this world.

My family went to San Felipe, Mexico for their Spring Break. (without me). After spending time there two or three times a year for 14 years of my life, the lack of visits has left me with some SERIOUS withdrawals. Once we moved to northern california our trips to mexico became fewer and fewer. The last time I visited was at the end of my junior year in high school. Three years ago. THREE YEARS! please, take me back! i miss my childhood. So many memories at this place.

I miss waking up to this in the morning,

because we were sleeping on the porch to see it.

i miss watching this after dinner.

i miss finding things in the tide during the day.

i miss eating tacos back in town and buying random trinkets.

i miss riding 4-wheelers all over the dunes and trails.

i miss making sand castles.

i miss fireworks in the dark.

i miss looking for sea glass on long walks.

i miss kayaking as far out as i can before i get too scared to go any farther.

i miss the card games, the easter egg hunts, the turkey bowl soccer games on the beach....

but most of all, i miss my family. i miss laughing, joking, and just spending time with them away from the world.

provo acoustics

2010-04-11T00:32:00.001-07:00

tonight i went to the velour. There were actually some pretty good bands. Drew capener's band (parlor hawk) played. They were rad. I love good music.

forgetting

2010-04-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

i recently rediscovered eet by regina spektor. It captures the feelings i have been having off and on for the past few months. almost perfectly. isn't it scary when you find songs like that?

happy late easter yo

2010-04-09T15:53:00.001-07:00

this is how i spent mine :).

with two of my favorite little boys.

500 days of Summer

2010-04-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

i loved this movie. i love love love zooey deschanel. so adorable.

so, finding this was a treat :)

april fooools

2010-04-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

that last post says it was posted march 24th, but i just posted it. I'm pretty sure it is april 1st. oh well. i love april. LOVE APRIL. it just sounds so spring-y. ya know? plus it's my birthday month. which means i'm soon starting my third decade on earth. i'm not sure how i feel about that. we will leave that blog for the 27th. time is such a crazy thing. it used to take so long. i miss those days immensely. where did they go? i used to just be free from worries, just dreaming of what my life would be like in the future. and now it is here. i am making it. everyday. i can't wrap my mind around that. who am i going to be? there's something so exciting yet so nerveracking about that question. it reminds me of one of my favorite songs...

abandoned

2010-03-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

my blog has been abandoned for two months...two whole month

It's april? What the freak? how did that happen. It has been a long, long few months.

Everytime i turn on my computer to write, something just holds me back.

i missed the entire month of love!

and now march madness has passed as well.

so this month i will be better. i'm coming back! i swear.

here are a few of the things i meant to blog about but never got around to...

Mckay's funeral.

It was really hard to go to the funeral, but it was a very good healing experience for all of us that went. A few friends from our freshman ward all drove together and it felt good to have them there as support. The service was very special and There were also a few other ppl from our freshman ward that showed up. Our old bishopric came as well, it was neat to see them again. Here is an excerpt from one of mckay's last letters to his family that was shared in the program that i thought was very special:

"I love you guys so so much. I miss you tons too but things are the best the way they are. Enjoy life and high school while you still can. You only get to once. Don't mess it up or let it slip by like i did. Be Bold!!! Love, Elder Mckay Burrows"

I am so glad that I had the opportunity to know and love Mckay Burrows. He was one of my closest friends freshman year at BYU. The Gospel is such a blessing in my life, i don't know what i would do without the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and the comfort to know that he is in a better place.

february was fun. i went to disneyland for president's weekend with eric and his brother andrew. it was sooo crowded, but we had fun anyway.

hANNA.

March was fun too. fairly average. last weekend i drove to idaho to visit some friends. it was much needed. i was desperate to get away! even if it was to idaho. i had to drive by myself, but i actually really liked it. I find roadtrips to be relaxing. of course, i took pictures to document the lonely drive...maybe i will post them later...

here is one of h&m--

this is getting too long, too much time has passed!

i will be better.

In Memory of Elder Mckay Choy Burrows

2010-01-31T17:02:00.000-08:00

ksl.com - Family and friends remember Utah missionary

My prayers go out to friends and family of Mckay Burrows (and the family of his companion Elder Davis). I hope that they will find peace and comfort in their great loss. I was in shock when I found out earlier; I couldn't believe it. Mckay was a good friend. I only knew him for a year, but we had many good memories in that short period of time. He was very funny, talented, and he was a good listener. He always tried to seem like the "tough guy," but really he was a softie and was always there if i needed to talk. I'm sure he was an exellent missionary out in Bucharest, Romania. We will miss you, Mckay.

Shortly after saying goodbye to Mckay in person,

he sent me a goodbye text before leaving on his mission.

I still have it saved in my phone:

Mckakes: "Ha oh man. I'm gonna miss you chica. One of the few cool girls i know."

...tears.

BYU vs Utah Basketball 2009.

We had a tent saving our spot in line for the game.

We set it up Wednesday and took shifts staying in it until the actual game

which was on Saturday.

Yes, we had front row seats.

Halloween 2008.

Mckay definitely had the best costume of all time.

Rufio.

I was a dark tinkerbell.

Saying goodbye to Mckay and some of the other boys.

April 2009.

Watching Elf in Christmas PJs.

November 2008.

i am

2010-01-20T17:11:00.000-08:00

confused.

and in miss.

incredible gangster

2010-01-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

dear crappy phone connection,
this is why i don't completely hate you:

Nate: you are a terrible prankster!
Hanna: Yesss. (Thinking he said Incredible Gangster)

the end

"Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store"

2009-12-27T15:57:00.000-08:00

This year the Grinch came to our house while we were away.

On Christmas Eve we received a phone call from Grandma Jane informing us that someone had broken into our house and stolen several of our belongings. My dad and Haley had to drive home for further investigation of the situation. The rest of the H's were left in our little cabin to try and make the best of our situation. Since we could no longer go out and purchase a Christmas tree like we had planned....we improvised a little:

(Our Substitute Tree)

I have probably read/watched Dr. Suess’s holiday “horror” story, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, a hundred times in my life without fully appreciating the message behind it.

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,

He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! “Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!” he was grinch-ish-ly humming. “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming! “They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do! “Their mouths will hang open a minute or two “Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!

“That’s a noise, “grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow …

But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all! He HADN‘T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?” “It came without ribbons! It came without tags! “It came without packages, boxes or bags!”

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! “Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas … perhaps … means a little bit more!”

Part of the purpose for telling the story of Christmas is to remind us that Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Indeed, however delightful we feel about it, even as children, each year it “means a little bit more.” And no matter how many times we read the biblical account of that evening in Bethlehem, we always come away with a thought—or two—we haven’t had before. (Jeffrey R. Holland)

I would like to thank the Grinch for making this year's Christmas the most memorable. Despite our empty house and ghetto Christmas tree, I have been reminded of what really matters. The Spirit of Christmas comes from love, charity, family support and most importantly Christ. Material things can always be replaced, but the time spent with those we love most cannot be. I am so happy that my family was kept safe and that we were able to celebrate the birth of our Savior and Redeemer together this year.

So, Thank you, Grinch.

And p.s. i have never had SO much fun decorating a "Christmas Tree" in my entire twenty years of Christmases.

i thought this day would never come

2009-12-19T12:12:00.000-08:00

but it is finally here. Finals are over. Christmas break is here. I am on my way home. Hallelujah. Except...my long expected relief hasn't come yet. Why? I don't think it's hit me, i still feel the stress of school on my shoulders. Or maybe it was never about school. Hopefully this dillusion will leave me the moment i set foot back in the Bayyyy.

I'm currently sitting in Las Vegas with an hour layover. bored? yes. but not for longgg. I can't wait to see my family :)

Dear home,

i will see you shortly.

Love, Hanna Marie

happy holidays

2009-11-28T20:28:00.000-08:00

i hope everyone had a fantastic thanksgiving.

here are a few things that i am thankful for

the beautiful autumn colors.

my family.

LOVE.

laughter.

dinner with my family.

What are you thankful for?

HOME.

2009-11-25T20:27:00.000-08:00

you've never really had a permanent location.

ever.

but i know you so well.

i know exactly where you are

and i am finally here.

It has only been a few months this time,

but my visit seems long past due.

it is good to be back

i missed you.

this is how i feel

2009-11-23T18:54:00.000-08:00

dear tuesday evening,

please come faster!

love, hanna marie

Bonita

2009-11-19T15:50:00.001-08:00

Jane introduced me to Andres Cabas about a month ago. This song has been running through my head all day. And yes, maybe even outloud in my apartment when no one was home :)

It is so beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YLWa-LTpyM

got my dreams, got my life, got my love

2009-11-13T16:34:00.000-08:00

Can’t figure how
I’m gonna fix tomorrow away
If today’s still a mess
Can u tell me what’s the point man,
It all seems meaningless
I wish that I could step away and breathe
This world’s trying to swallow me
Clear away the clouds inside my head

Someone just tell me
That it’s ok now
What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

People lie, people hide, people cry, people fight

And they don’t know why
If fear is all that we should fear
Then what are we so afraid of
Cause fear is only in our heads

Someone please say...

that it's ok now

What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

Any day ill go bad thinking bad
Everyone is against me and the world wants to fight me
Preparing to battle an enemy unseen
During my stressing I’m blinded to the lesson
That could be a blessing if Id be confessing that the enemy
I’m trying to beat is hiding inside of me

But it’s ok now...what are you worrying about...

the definition of hanna bennion.

2009-11-12T20:37:00.000-08:00

the other day someone asked me to describe what kind of a person i was.

I couldn't answer.

Because i didn't know.

that made me think. a lot.

I wish i could sit here and describe to you just what stereotype/personality i fit into. Am i a sport freak? art fanatic? music junkee? math geek? shy? outgoing? lovable? intimidating? boring? crazy?

i have no idea. I don't like to limit myself to one "type." I feel that i am a different person when i am with different people. BUt that doesn't make sense. Maybe there are just too many sides to me, i like too many different things. And therefore have several different friends that fit into each of these "categories" of people.

I am just hanna.

And very soon i will let you all know what that means.

For now, I am still pondering.

Thank you, Birch Creek

2009-11-05T21:08:00.001-08:00

This was the staff for the Girls Session this Summer.

This Summer I spent a lot of my time in a little place called Spring City, Utah. When i say little, i mean puny. That's right, good ol' Sanpete County. It was my second year as a counselor at Birch Creek Service Ranch (inspired by the Bennion Ranch) and i loved it all the more. There is something that happens at Birch Creek, something very special. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but everyone who has been there knows what i am talking about.

Birch is more than just a summer camp for teens, i've been to plenty of those, Birch Creek is a home. It is a place to connect--with people, with nature, with God and with yourself. I miss my BC family. BC is my sanctuary, my safe place.

Birch Creek makes me forget the world, it helps me remember to enjoy the simple things in life. Simplicity. Thats where all the good stuff is. A simple sunset, a simple song, a simple game, a simple laugh. Simple service. I love how satisfying it is after a mornings work, to know that we spent four hours of our day helping another person. I love how satisfying it is after a weekends hike when we look down from the top of a mountain or up from the bottom of a canyon, to know that we travelled that great distance in such a short amount of time. I love how satisfying it is to see the growth in the campers as the weeks gradually pass on. I love how i feel at Birch Creek!

One of the many beautiful weekend hikes.

I also love BC because of my family. Uncle Joe, Aunt Lee, and Cousin Zina. Can anyone ask for better role models? I mean seriously. If it weren't for them, i would never have found BC. They inspire me more and more every time i spend time with them. Whether at the Ranch or rafting down the Grand Canyon for two weeks (also one of the most amazing experiences of my life), they are always living life at its fullest.

Group shot on edge of the canyon.

lil brudders

2009-10-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

The other day i was telling Jane about my little brothers Hunter (7) and Haydn (3) and i remembered this funny story. It just about made my day:

(Family is sitting at the dinner table getting ready to say the prayer)

Hunter: (whispers in Haydn's ear chuckling)

Haydn: Mumbles something really fast to Hanna and starts laughing

Hanna: What did you say?

Haydn: You have pretty eyes.....(starts laughing HYSTERICALLY..no joke)

Hunter: No! (whispers in his ear again)

Haydn: oh....PSYPE!! (starts laughing hysterically again)

Family: (Trying and failing not to laugh so we can say a prayer)

Oh. I love and miss my brothers. They make me smile. Obviously Hunter was telling Haydn to say Psych. It kills me that Haydn thinks Hunter is the funniest person on this earth, even when he doesn't understand his

jokes.

come what may

2009-10-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

I just watched Moulin Rouge last night.

Such a good movie.

Such a good soundtrack.

and it has one of my favorite songs in it.

Come what may.

Of course, it reminds me of Chris. I remember after the Ensign came out with Elder Wirthlin's talk from April General conference, Chris cut out the title "Come What May, and Love It," and he sent it to me. Cute, huh? Come what May...I love those words. Whether it pertains to my relationship with Chris or my daily struggles. We can get through anything that comes our way if our love and faith are stronger. I have the piano music to this song, I used to play it a lot. I need to start up again.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

peeps.

2009-10-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about people lately. And about our relationships as human beings. So many people come in and out of our lives and influence us in ways that we sometimes don't even realize. Its crazy. Right? Think about it for a minute, about all the people you have ever come in contact with throughout your entire life span. Its sad to me that most relationships don't last. Friends come in bunches. I lived in 7 different houses as a kid. I had to switch friends a lot. But its so weird how i could be so close to so many different people, even best friends, and now have no idea what they are doing with their lives. And even in some cases, know exactly what they are doing..but go on with life as if they were complete strangers. Its kind of depressing. Its like those friends that you have in your classes or at work...once school/work is over...you're no longer friends. But it has to be like this. right? I mean, if we stayed close to every single person we've ever considered our friends...well, i don't think we'd be able to really form real lasting relationships with the people that matter the most to us. My friends change year by year. Especially in college, moving in with new roommates really changes things... dramatically. All of a sudden, the people i shared everything with, i never see! They have been replaced with other people because of living situations. But then there are those people that have stayed with you for years and you know they will never leave you. The Real friends. I think both are important. Everybody leaves an impact on our lives. No matter how small. Its like in The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons. Was that not the theme of the movie? To point out how we are all here for a reason, and we all influence each others lives...even if we aren't in them for that long. I think its a beautiful thing. I've been trying to think of all of the people that have influenced me. Its too easy to forget sometimes.

i don't know if i'm making any sense. i'm not really even sure why i'm awake/on my computer right now. after a day like today, it just doesn't make sense. I was on campus until about 8:30 pm because i had to take a test..after walking home i had to skip my soccer game (NOT something i wanted to do) because i had homework due at midnight that i hadn't started. My back is aching like no other, i'm so so so tired, i still have a lot of homework due tomorrow, i keep almost fainting because in the middle of studying all day i forgot that humans need to EAT...and even though everything is pointing me towards my bed, here i am, typing this all out on my computer for really...no reason. Sometimes you just gotta vent. I apologize if this all makes zero sense, i'm sort of half asleep at the moment.

ONE YEAR

2009-10-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

Today is Chris' one year mark.

One year ago i went with him and his family to the MTC.

It was hard, but i managed to keep a happy face on. Okay, i may have started to tear up a little when i shook his hand (awkwardly) at the end after watching everyone in his family give him a big hug. He couldn't/wouldn't look at me when he did. But i kept it together...somehow. I'm not really big on showing my emotions in public, it rarely happens. But then again, this wasn't even our real goodbye. It happened a few weeks earlier at his farewell when i flew back home.

That was only one of the many goodbyes we have said during the past three years. Yet, love has only gotten stronger. It's weird to think that i haven't seen, talked to,or texted Chris in a year! One year ago....that was my life! I don't know how i have survived without him near. But even though our relationship has changed its circumstances several times (together in high school, apart during college, together at home, apart during mission) the feelings haven't changed. And that makes me SO happy. i know that i love chris, i know that he loves me. But right now we are putting that aside because he is currently serving a mission and I am finding myself/growing at BYU. That is what needs to happen now. And we have one year down, one to go! Time is such a weird thing sometimes.

Sigh, Thats all i can write right now.

fireflies

2009-10-05T23:36:00.000-07:00

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

(When I'm asleep)

quote of the day

2009-10-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

"Woman was taken out of man--not out of his feet to be trampled underfoot, but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved."

Happiness is a choice.

2009-09-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

I have never been so busy in my entire life. I don't know if that statement is entirely true, but i am pretty dang busy! For some reason i can't keep up. I guess i just had forgotten how school really is. Sucks. Even though in the past week and a half i have taken/am-still-studying-for 5 tests and several quizzes (i thought Finals Week was supposed to be at the end of the semester)...I've found time to be happy.

I have been focusing a lot on the negative things in my life lately. I THOUGHT that every area in my life was suckee and too overwhelming to deal with.

Isn't it just depressing to think like that? I mean, come on. I know i have so many more blessings in my life. I feel guilty for being such a baby. There are so many people that have HUGE trials that still stay optimistic. I'm going to be optimistic:

For the past few days (even though i am stressed out more than i can handle) a lot of good things have happened.

-I got a mini package from Chris with three letters and pictures in it....i hadn't heard from him since the end of July.

-I got my first letter from mike (one of my best friends/brothers from freshman year) the very next day, with two letters and a picture in it

-I got a good grade on my Calculus 2 Test! miracle.

-I MAY have picked out a major. It isn't final. But i am seriously considering it.

-i like my roommates.

-the Cowboys won (haha)

-I got to go to a devotional here at BYU and listen to Thomas S Monson. amazing.

-I had an epiphany...what is one bad test score going to mean to me in 10 years??

these are all good things right? Happiness is a choice. i can choose to be happy. I can choose to look at all the good things in my life rather than the bad. By focusing on blessings, its easier to find courage to move on and go forward. Sure, there will be/are hard things to deal with. But with prayer and faith i can do those things. I know i can't do it alone. That is the biggest blessing, that through hard times i have been able to feel the love of my Savior as he helps carry me along. Knowing that brings true happiness.

Confessions of a Thinkaholic

2009-09-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

I just spent the last twenty minutes writing a blog that is now nonexistent due to technical mishaps. Don't you hate those? I do.

Ugh.

Anyways, I have been reading all of your blogs from a far and i figure it’s about time i join in on this little world. I love love love people who can speak to others through writing. You people who can pull a masterpiece out of nowhere. Your fingers flow over the keyboard effortlessly--it’s a work of art, really, it is.

Oh. Jealousy.

I want so badly to be able to put my thoughts into words, but I have too much going on in my head at all times. Over the years I have had countless journals; they just never were written in for more than a few weeks at a time. Its not that i have nothing to say, I just have too much to say! It’s called ADD. And I am not being sarcastic when I say I am a victim. You can ask anyone who is close to me (or my doctor haha). Especially Chris. Writing him for the past year has been quite an adventure. I promise he can say he has laughed a time or two when reading my letters. Not because of a funny story, but because of how amazingly fast I can get distracted. I tend to get off topic a lot. Yes, I am a rambler. Chris and I call these moments “hanna rants.” I’m sure many of you have done those before. But, I assure you I am the queen.

There are just so many ideas i want to express. I AM ALWAYS THINKING. It’s overwhelming. It can cause me to be a very quiet person. People who don’t know me as well think I am shy, but it’s more that I am…oh what’s the word, reflective? I am always taking in my surroundings, deep in thought. (Although, I can be shy as well.) But because of this, I suppose people might assume I’m a loner. Call me what you wish, I have my friends!

is this not the cheesiest thing you have ever seen?

but it fits the topic right?

very...contemplative

Getting back to what I was trying to say-I admire those people who bring journals/notebooks with them wherever they go. Those people who are constantly jotting down thoughts, ideas, notes. I want to be that person. I want people to know what goes inside my head.

And that is why I am starting this blog. It’s a fresh start, a new beginning, an attempt to make my thoughts, my emotions, and my life clear. Even if no one ever reads this, this is for me.

I hope that this will last much longer than any of my previous journals.

pure sugar

2009-09-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

On September 16, 2006

I was watching The Notebook and drinking rootbeer floats with a bunch of friends,

particularly my crush: Chris Redfern.

Later that night, Chris drove me home and asked me if I would make it official and be his girlyfriend.

Long story short. I said yes.

And here I am, three years later, in love.

Here's to three years of C&H.